Learning not to leave myself
For much of my life, I didn't know who I was.
I didn't know what I liked or disliked. I struggled to say no, had few boundaries and continually put other people's needs before my own.
Through my own healing journey, I began to understand how childhood trauma had shaped the way I responded to situations, relationships and the fear of abandonment.
I began to realise that what I had thought was simply “who I was” was, in many ways, behaviour I had learned to survive.
Through therapy, my own healing and trauma-informed coaching training, I began learning to understand my nervous system, recognise my trauma responses, create boundaries and reconnect with myself.
In January 2025, I experienced a moment that showed me just how much I had changed. Faced with a situation that would previously have triggered an overwhelming fear of abandonment, I chose not to react from that fear. Instead, I turned towards myself.
I told the frightened little girl inside me: “I've got you. You're safe. I'm here to protect you.”
It was during January 2025, I experienced the devastating suicide of my husband. The healing work I had already begun didn't remove the grief or make the loss easier. But it gave me something to hold onto.
I had to continue learning that I could love someone deeply without being responsible for their choices; that I could grieve without abandoning myself; and that forgiveness and hope could exist alongside profound pain.
It means learning not to leave yourself when it does.